The Fattest One in the Room

Monday I wrote about how I’m getting down on myself about my weight and weight loss. A lot of you have suggested new clothes, which I have done a fair amount of stocking up on new clothes that fit me well while still allowing me to breastfeed easily. I have a new pairs of jeans that aren’t hideous, some sweaters that look decent, a couple of skirts, and I recently picked up a new dress for when I go out without Remy. I’m still rocking the nursing tanks because right now underwires are not my friends, not sure they ever were. My clothes aren’t the main problem I’m having. Sure, I love to torture myself by picking through my pre-pregnancy clothes when I’m in the mood to feel down, but that’s every once in awhile. I think it’s pretty normal to do that. I even put my nice wool coat on during a recent cold snap – it fit beautifully from the waist down, but I couldn’t button the damn thing over my boobs. Maybe next winter. Probably not.

Even when I feel like I look good in my clothes I still feel like the fattest one in the room. I’ve never been thin by any stretch of the imagination, but I’ve never felt like this before. I always felt average or ‘above average’ – maybe a bit heavier than some people around me. I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to other people because we all carry weight differently, we have different body types, blah blah blah, but it’s painful to hear other women who are calling themselves fat when I’m sitting next to them with easily 50-70 lbs on them. When I hear someone call themselves fat I always panic and wonder what they think of me if they think they’re fat. Not exactly the healthiest mindset, but that’s all I can think about when I hear someone complain about their weight.

It doesn’t help that every time I see a photo of myself I can’t believe I’m that big. I think the mirrors in my house are all jacked up because I don’t look that big at home. With all this technology can’t we just have a camera that doesn’t add 10 lbs in the first place? Anyway, I just needed to vent.

About Michelle

I'm Michelle, formerly the annoyed army wife. Join me as transition into the next phase of life:a husband in a white coat and tie instead of ACUs, a home of our own located anywhere we please (that needs a lot of work), and my life as a newish, somewhat crunchy mama. I'm, well, pessimistic about this next phase but with all the sarcasm and sass you've come to know and love.

COMMENTS:

  1. Ohhhh Michelle! I’m RIGHT there with you and my baby is almost 13!!!

    My body never went back to pre-pregnancy weight, even with massive workouts, Weight Watchers, this gluten free shake diet from my dr’s office. My weight has gone down…10-15, maybe once 20 lbs, but then right back up to where I am today.

    Does it suck? YES!!! Do I sometimes hate myself beyond words? YUP! But after 13 yrs, it’s almost to the point of “I eat healthy (minus the one night a week I eat what I want) and walk 4-5 days a week…so WTH!”

    With each passing day, week, month and year, you will learn to love you for you! Remy and OccDoc will love you more each day, week, month and year and that’s the BEST feeling anyone could have!

    Plus…wtf likes skinny chicks (sorry SIL and DEAR FRIEND)!!!
    xxxooo
    Cyndi

  2. Ugh story of my life. I actually was average-thin most of my life and the past few years I look at this body I have and wtf is the only thing that comes to mind. I always feel like the heaviest person in the room. Always. If it makes you feel better that isn’t at all how people from the outside see you! :)